Friday, January 28, 2011
I thought that as I was sitting here in the chemo room I would write a blog entry and let you know how things are going.
In the past 24 days I have had to make so many decisions. Decisions about which doctor to go to. Decisions about scheduling tests and treatments. Decisions about plans for school. Decisions about when to get married. Decisions about whether or not to see a fertility doctor as chemo can possibly create infertility problems later. Decisions about whether or not to go ahead and cut my hair. Decisions about what to eat on chemo days. (I have learned that the food that I eat on chemo days later becomes a food that I do not want to ever see again. So, from the last treatment, I do not want to eat a cheeseburger and crinkle cut fries ever again. Today, Jon and I are stopping at Taco Bell after treatment to eat one of their mysterious tacos. That is one food that I think I can be okay detesting later... I should detest it now.)
Despite all of the difficult decisions over the past few weeks, the hardest decision has been one that I have had to make every day. That decision has been to trust and take joy in the Lord. It has not been an easy decision and there are days that I sin in worry, doubt, and discontentment. But there are also days where God blesses me with a peace and a joy that are found in Him alone. He is satisfying me with His Word and providing daily reminders of His goodness through encouraging notes and comments from others. From this chair in the chemo room, I sit back amazed at His goodness and how He is so gracious to me, one who is so prone to wander from Him.
Yes, there have been many decisions and many changes in my life over the past 24 days. Some days it is hard settling in to what is the now "normal" of my life. Plans have changed but God is constantly reminding me that while things have changed my purpose still remains; that the Gospel would be proclaimed wherever I am. There is comfort in the fact that amidst change my life's purpose stays the same. I still am a worshiper of the Most High and I am still to pursue others to be worshipers of Him too.
"I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; Wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:13-14
Thank you all for your prayers!