Sunday, February 27, 2011


"For I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content." Philippians 4:11

Four treatments unknown amount to go. God is sure showing this OCD planning chick that she must rest in Him. Hopefully I have reached the half way point, but we will not know until next week after another PET scan and doctor's visit.
This past treatment has been rough so far. My nurse told me that the effects are sometimes cumulative and so it might get worse with more treatments. Here is how the effects usually work. I get treated on Fridays. It takes about 6 hours and I leave feeling very "plump" and full of drugs. That usually leaves me in a woozy state and I sleep very hard that Friday night. Saturday is typically not so bad. I am usually a little tired but not so bad. However, this Saturday the nausea hit and stayed most of the day. Sunday is my sleeping day. I told Mom as I crawled back into bed this morning, "I'm really good at this sleeping thing." My body feels like it weighs a million pounds and Mom chases me around with liquids to try to hydrate me. To be quite honest, I do not really give her a good chase. When your legs feel like lead there is no escape. Tomorrow is when my mouth will begin to hurt. The cells in your mouth are rapidly dividing and therefore are subject to the effects of the drugs. This aching lasts for about 2 days but makes it hard to get liquids down. However, as each day progresses I get back more and more strength. Other weird effects such as hot flashes and gum soreness and, of course, hair loss. This is all an interesting process of learning how my body works and how drugs can affect it.
One interesting effect has been termed "chemo brain." Basically, it makes me feel stupid. I am not exactly sure how this thing works. Short term memory seems to be affected the most. Jon has now taken to following me around with a notepad so that if I say that I need to do something, he writes it down so I will not forget. It is the most frustrating thing! Thinking seems so much harder and there are times when I will be speaking and forget what I am saying. We laugh at it most days because it is so funny to think about, but it is a very real battle. Cancer and treatment are a humbling process. I call the chemo brain battle "the battle not to feel stupid."
God is teaching me so many things during this time. Contentment is one lesson.
It is very hard for me to be still. I like being busy and I like being able to accomplish many things all in one day if not all at one time. With treatment, that goal is ten times harder and often impossible. The Lord is teaching me to be content despite the effects of chemo and despite my unfulfilled "to do" lists. My prayer is that God would cause me to be content in whatever state I am. Contentment and patience are not apathy and indifference. It is easy to become the latter two when you are going through a time in which you cannot control so many aspects of your life. However, contentment and patience are worth fighting for. They are an acknowledged dependence and an active resting in the Lord. We all are dependent upon the Lord; many times we just fail to live consciously dependent. Contentment and patience are a battle; apathy and indifference are simply resign. Contentment and patience are worship; apathy and indifference are not.
I had never dreamed that I would spend my twenty second birthday wearing a scarf around my head and feeling like a cancer patient for the first time (my hair is thinning quite a bit now). I had never dreamed that I would not be at my university that day (I did however spend it with my amazing sister Janie at her university and it was the best birthday ever!). I had never dreamed that I would be preparing for treatment on the following day... And never in a million years would I have thought that Jon and I would be talking through tears about how wonderful our faithful God is and how far He has miraculously brought us in two months.
I am learning contentment; and I am rejoicing.


  1. Praying for you continually! Love ya!

  2. I'm so proud of you for being so strong, Katelyn!! Hang it'll all be over. Luv u.

  3. How amazing are you?? Very! God's grace is shining through...