I have felt a lot like Jacob over the past week. Chemo looks like it will take longer than I had hoped. In fact, doctors are not sure what route they will take yet (either chemo, radiation, or perhaps a combo). This week I have felt like I have been wrestling. I do not know what the future holds. I feel like I cannot even get a grasp on the present. I have felt angry, depressed, and apathetic. It has been a struggle to take joy. I have gone through a heart's wrestling with the Father.
I wonder if Jacob fought for control that night. I wonder if he fought to protect what he idolized. I wonder if he fought out of fear. In the course of wrestling, God causes his hip to come out of joint. No wrestler leaves a fight unscathed. This injury would remain for the rest of his life. Job was humbled as well after his own wrestling match with the Lord. We walk away, humbled, because we have stared the Almighty in the face and He has proved victorious over our sinful hearts. We walk away remembering, that although we are dust, God loves us and blesses us through the Gospel.
* One of the side effects of chemo is hormonal changes. This basically just means an emotional roller coaster. Please pray for grace. Tears come easy and joy seems so far.
* Pray for mental strength. It is hard to concentrate on reading and writing as well as other tasks.
* Please pray that I can share the Gospel with some of my nurses as well as other patients.
Thank you so much for your prayers.
And in every season, we are satisfied. For just one reason, Christ was crucified.